I have mentioned in a previous post that I have a 10 year old daughter. This phase of her life, has been bringing insight into areas where I continue to struggle.

I always thought that once you became a mom, you would just have all the answers. You would have overcome all the issues where you once struggled. However, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I parent in a way that I feel is unpopular amongst many. I don’t see myself as any better than my children. Have you ever taken a moment where you are getting ready to discipline your child, and really looked at the root of the issue? Let me share an example.

My daughters fight routine. They would rather have fun than complete a task that needs to be done. Sounds pretty normal amongst kids right?! They fight school work. Anything that doesn’t give instant gratification, they fight. This becomes one of our daily arguments. Explaining the importance of responsibility in their lives. Yet, I know for myself, I don’t want to do any of that responsibility stuff either. I mean, Do any of you LOVE to wake up early to go to that work meeting? Or do you LOVE to wake up early to get your kiddos out of bed to make sure they are prepared for school? I know I am not thrilled about either of those.

So, why at times do we expect our kids to put on this happy face, and then diligently do the work? I am 20 some years older than my oldest, and I still fight the lazy stuff. I really have no reason to get angry over an unclean room.

With that in mind, I parent like a coach/guide. Walking out the principles alongside of my kids. Sharing my own struggles at times with the same area. It can be uncomfortable to get vulnerable with your child. I have wondered if I will lose their respect. Yet, my experience has shown so far, that they respect me more and open up more often.

You may be thinking this sounds like being their friend. It is absolutely not that. It is more like validation. Seeing the struggle for what it is, and then showing them the next step to overcome it.

My husband was raised in a home where his mom was a “do as I say, not as I do” type of parent. Being strong willed, he fought consistently against his mom. He saw through the farce. She would become even more strict. This type of authoritarian parenting ruined their relationship. To this day, the tension is very thick between them. Due to this experience, my husband and myself swore we would not parent our children in the same way. My daughters have asked, “Why do I have to make my bed, when your’s is not made yet?” At that point I could get all parenty and mad. I don’t though, they have a valid point.

Checks and Balances. I see my kiddos as a system that prevents me from going crazy with power. Parenthood can go to your head if not checked. Leaving an opportunity for your children to come to you in a respectful manner and “check” you, prevents that from happening.

So yes, I feel my parenting can be unpopular. But I am okay with it. I know I have not arrived when it comes to overcoming struggles, and I am okay with my children being mini teachers to help me.

Hey friends!

How did yesterday go, with changing your “have to’s” to gratitudes??

I had an interesting discussion with my middle daughter, the one with a stronger will. She was once again, fighting the clean up time. I brought up the idea of, “she gets to clean up her toys”. Her eyes became saucer sized and she goes, “What?” I proceeded to explain that having toys is a blessing, something to be thankful for. That being able to clean them up, means that she has been blessed with them. It took her a bit to get it, but I think she finally got it.

After that encounter, I think over the next few days I will focus a bit on our words and our mindset, both here and in my home.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Think before you Speak?” I recently heard of a great acronym that I am using with my daughters.

T – Is it Truthful?
H – Is it Helpful?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?

I have been teaching them that if it doesn’t fit all 5 categories, then they do not need to speak it. It has been a great learning tool, not only for them but for me. Quite frankly, being a stay at home mom can be tough, especially when you homeschool. We each have our own will, which then butts up against another’s will. Words have been said, that don’t fit any of those categories. The damage has been done. However, we can always grow, we can always make changes.

I hope these challenges are inspiring you to look a bit closer at your life. To see that you can always grow and get better.

Talk soon!

1. I have to do the dishes
2. I have to do the laundry
3. I have to make dinner
4. I have to vacuum the floors

Anyone else have a list like this? I don’t know about you, but I can get in a pretty rotten mood with all these “have to’s.”

My middle daughter, has a bit of a strong will. When it comes to giving her a list of “have to’s,” the endless questions ensue. She has realized something that I think many of us know, but fail to think. We don’t HAVE to do anything. Yet, many of us just quote the age old statement, “Some things we may not feel like doing, but HAVE to do anyway.”

What if we changed that mindset though? What if we used some of that strong will mentality? The mentality that requires me to think five steps ahead of my daughter, in order to get her to own the task and want to do it.

Follow me for just second. What if I said, I get to do the laundry. I know, I know…but hang in there with me. Why do I get to do the laundry? Well..because my girls have clothes to keep them warm. God has blessed us with clothes. See where I am going? I just turned my “have to” into a gratitude. What if we did that with every “have to” in our lives?

The challenge I am giving myself this week is to change my “have to” mindset into a gratitude mindset. I bet I will have a better attitude towards my huge pile of laundry and the endless dishes. What about you? What is one of your “have to’s” that could change into gratitude?

Now before you assume anything, the F word I am talking about, is Failure. Anyone else ever had a Fear of Failure? Like a legit fear. Growing up, I would not try to do things, for fear of failing.

I thought that if I failed, people would put the title, Failure, on me. What ended up happening, is a cycle of not even trying. Not trying is Failure! I had allowed myself to become what I had always feared.

If you have a child, you have probably heard the words, “I can’t”, come out of her mouth. I have three, and that statement has now been banned from our home. I can’t, leaves No room for improvement. It says, Failure.

My oldest, at the age of 5 developed this fear of failing. In fact, her teachers in school, thought she had a learning disability at first. She wouldn’t complete her work, without knowing that her answer was correct. She would ask the teachers if she was on the correct path of thinking, before she would even begin her work. She didn’t want to get one answer wrong. Now, she is 10, and I am homeschooling her. My biggest struggle is pointing out her faults in her school work, as well as just normal behavior. She breaks down instantly, and begins to beat herself up. She has admitted that she never wants to fail, she wants to do everything correctly.

Can you imagine that pressure? To never allow yourself to ever make a mistake. So, I did something, I shared my “failures” with her. I shared what my fear of failing did to my own life. Then, I told her, “I expect you to Fail at things.” Her eyes got real wide. She thought I would think less of her, if she failed.

Isn’t that the root? Fear of Failing is an identity issue. I have struggled with people pleasing for as long as I can remember. The fear of saying No, the fear of failing, the fear that someone won’t like me. Why??? Because I was Not happy with myself. I had allowed my short comings to define me. I had allowed comparison to rob me of my uniqueness.

If you are a Christ follower, you know every person is an Original, Unique, with a Purpose that can only be accomplished by them. God knows I will fail, He knows that in my mistakes I grow. I can never disappoint Him, because He already knew I would mess up. To me, that is so Freeing! He loves me, accepts me, mistakes and all.

So whether you are dealing with your own fear of failure or you have a child that has one, let me encourage you with, God already knows your mistakes. He already died for those mistakes. Fear is just the absence of allowing His True love to take over your life. To walk in the confidence of your full identity, which is Daughter of the Most High God.

So I am running after Failure, because as I keep trying, keep doing, keep being who I was created to be, I will not be a Failure.