Mom Shaming

I never thought I would have to deal with mom shaming. For the most part I have very positive friends, that uplift and encourage.

However, I have one mom in my life that likes to shame. Sadly to say, she is family. It makes it even harder to digest. I am not one to cut people out of my life, yet I feel she is one that needs to have less availability to me and my children.

It is hard. She preaches the, “Do not judge me”, and yet she judges. Currently she is one of leaders of my girls’ puppetry group, for a church competition. She has noticed that my middle child is less focused and impulsive. I already know this, she has ADHD. When I went to explain some tips and ways we have been working to help her ADHD, she began the mom shaming. She said things like, “that is just an excuse for bad parenting.” It hurt.

It is hard to deal with shaming, especially when it is family. To brush off and move on, may not always work. There are going to be family functions. I have been learning that even though I would like others to approve, God is my only needed approval. He knows my girls through and through. He did not give me these girls to raise, unless I was the correct fit for them. It is no accident that He called me to homeschool. He has a plan and a purpose, even through the mom shame.

One of the hardest lessons I am learning is to pray for those who hurt me. It is so hard. Yet, the peace comes after I take that step.

Have you ever dealt with mom shame? I want you to know You are Enough! You are Valued! You are Approved of!!

But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Matthew 5:44 NLT

SAHM guilt

Stay at Home mom. There are so many phrases and words connected with that title. I am a Stay at Home mom. I homeschool my three daughters. I see it as a God designed calling for my life.

Yet, that calling can get attacked. In fact, I can attack that calling. Ever heard of Stay at Home Guilt? Yes there is mom guilt, the feeling that you don’t do enough for your kids. Stay at Home Mom guilt comes into play though, when you feel like you are not monetarily helping the family.

As a family, we agreed we would make some sacrifices, so that I could stay home. However, those sacrifices can sometimes still weigh on a SAHM. Right now, we have been without a family vehicle for almost two months. Taking out a car loan is a sacrifice, it is one that needs to be weighed carefully.

Each day, I can choose to pay attention to the sacrifices that we make for this calling. Or I can choose to keep walking out the calling, knowing that Christ is our ultimate resource provider.

It is interesting that as I am walking a healing journey out, recovering people pleaser, that Satan would choose to hit me right there. He really is a scheming piece of dirt. Obviously I ticked him off yesterday. Guess I better brush myself off after being hit, and hit him where it counts. I mean, it is Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday this weekend!!!

Being Called

I feel like I have wondered what my “calling” was for so long. Like there is this HUGE assignment that looks totally impossible. I will be traveling the world, changing lives. As each year passed, I am about three years away from 40, I got a bit depressed. Until….

God decided to ask me, “Why wasn’t the very things I was already in charge of, enough?” Things, or should I say Children. I feel like that calling, doesn’t seem to get the same recognition as a traveling speaker. I know I was guilty. I thought that my calling was too small, insignificant. I wasn’t reaching enough people. I wasn’t impacting the world enough.

My Heavenly Father sure set me straight. Just as He has unique plans for me, He has unique plans for each of my daughters. The foundation that each of them need, to complete those plans, starts with Me! Like Whoa!!!!

The foundation of a home is the most important part of the structure. You cannot expect a building to stand correctly, without a good foundation. These years I have with my girls, are the foundation. They are the training years, the identity years. God has placed this Call on my life! To listen so intently to Him, that I can help guide these girls to their purpose.

Who knows, I may have a traveling speaker. Or I may have a missionary sitting at my kitchen table. Whatever their call is, I know it will be just as important as mine. God wouldn’t have created any of us without having a purpose beforehand.

Mine?

“I want it to be mine.” Those were the words of my middle daughter. We recently took advantage of a phone plan deal, that allowed us to get 4 free phones. I was nervous about the whole idea, due to all the cyber bully issues that have been arising.

Thankfully though, there are amazing resources for parents to help block the crap. I can Lock the phones from being used. I can set a bedtime. I can set a screen time limit. All apps require my approval password. I am a huge fan!!!

Anyways, our middle child is a bit of a rebel. She is not a big fan of responsibility. I know, I know, not many are fans.

Well, last night, my husband once again reminded her that the phone was not her’s. She flipped out! Now, she can still use it. She can still download things. She basically has full access. Yet, that phrase, It is Not Your’s, sent her into a tailspin. Somehow ownership is very important to her.

After she had somewhat calmed down, I decided it was time to once again teach her about ownership. I began to explain the concept of steward. That a steward is a person that is charged with taking care of someone else’s possessions. We went through some things in the house, and I asked her who owns them. She either would name off my name or my husband’s. After a few minutes, I dropped the bomb. I told her, I don’t own anything here on earth, even my body. Her mouth dropped open. I shared this verse with her;
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19‭-‬20 NLT

We chatted about how we should take care of God’s possessions. That ownership really isn’t all what it is cracked up to be. It was then that she realized, the phone didn’t need to be her’s, because it would always be God’s first. So she said that she would take really good care of it for Him.

Burden of a Mom

Struggling to fall asleep. Ever had one of those nights? The weight of being a mom and wanting to help my daughter has hit me hard.

My daughter is one of the sweetest little girls, I am a bit partial. Since the age of 5 she has struggled with failure, I have mentioned this in previous posts. However tonight, we had an incident that about broke this momma into pieces.

My daughters are currently involved in a puppetry group for our church. It is part of a Fine Arts type of competition. Well, my oldest has the most lines out of the group. And unfortunately she is also finding out that she is not fond of the coaches nor the actual puppetry aspect. The coach made a statement, “We need to do amazing, and win, so that other kids will want to be a part of this next year.”

Now, for a normal child, this probably wouldn’t be a big deal. Yet, my oldest struggles immensely with perfectionism. So, when she told me all of this, I knew where her mind was going.

“What if I mess up?” “We won’t win because of me.” “I got to memorize my lines perfectly.” “This is all riding on me, any mess up is my doing.”

I have worked with her so much. She is also in the throws of puberty, thank you hormones. So all this was a huge gut punch to me. Something that should be fun, has started to turn into anxiety.

As I sit here, trying to get tired enough to fall asleep, I know that my God has this. Logically I know He loves my daughter more than I do. It is in this moment that I repeat the verse;

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I am a Mom, but I am God’s Daughter first. He has this whole situation in His hands and I can rest.

Living the Dream

One of the struggles I have faced as of recent, is the idea that Being a Mom who Homeschools is not the dream.

I began to face the comments from others that I was settling. Relinquishing to fear. Giving up. Not dreaming big enough. The business I became a part of allowed me to work from home. It has allowed me the “flexibility” to create my own hours. It gave me the ability to earn some extra income.

The income part was the most intriguing. Hard as I tried, I faced guilt, by my own doing, that I was less than as a partner. My husband is Amazing! So supporting in every way. I have never faced the push to get a job. Yet, I still felt like I was taking with no giving.

When you read articles about being a mom, you read about women putting their dreams aside to be a mom. The pull they feel to do something more. They feel incomplete. I don’t deny that there are many women that feel those statements very deeply. They have Amazing Big dreams! I love that!

Yet, there are I think a few of us in a different category. That being a mom is completely fulfilling. Of course there are rough days, as with any “dream” job. But, I truly don’t want to do anything else. I fought against this idea for 3 years almost. I have tried to split my dream job with a job I felt I needed to do, in order to prove my worth to others. These comments from others came with the best intentions, they were shared in love. Which is why I did continue with this job for so long. I thought that maybe they did see something that I was not seeing.

Here I am though, 7 days out from being done with my social media fast, and I have never felt more fulfilled. I have spent 14 days with my three daughters, where my time has not been split. For some that would drive them insane. For me, I have loved every single minute. The talks that we have shared, the games we have played, and lessons we have learned.

Being a Mom, who does homeschool, is my Dream job. Running a stay at home business is just not my passion, and I have finally come to terms with it. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know it isn’t guaranteed. So, I am gonna keep walking each day as it is my last, and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Tale in Gardening

Homeschooling becomes a fun journey when you use everyday life lessons for teaching.

Last summer we started a fun unit on gardening. We sifted soil, tested it, and found that we have really crappy soil. Great for weeds, horrible for anything else.

Two years ago we positioned a larger pool on top of the grass, that was in our backyard. As you can imagine, all the grass died around that area. Since then, the only thing that has been growing in that area is weeds.

My husband wants a garden so badly, but the amount of work to create an ideal atmosphere for the plants to grow, is very daunting. Isn’t that like our lives though?

If I were to compare my heart to soil, like Jesus did in the Parable of the Sower, I would see that my heart’s soil needs a fair amount of work. The Fruit of the Spirit isn’t what always grows in my heart. Thank you Father for your grace and mercy!

I heard a sermon once on this topic, and the pastor used an acronym for Dirt, and it has stuck with me.

D – Disappointment
I – Insecurity
R – Rejection
T – Trouble

In his sermon, he brought out the concept that in order for Dirt to be conducive for growth, there needs to be death and quite a bit of yucky stuff in it. In relation to our heart’s soil, we need to face the yuck. The trying times, the rejections, and the troubles, for our heart to produce the fruit we are wanting.

That truth isn’t something we really want to hear, we typically want the happy. But if we go back to our gardening illustration, we are fully aware at the amount of work a farmer does before he plants the seed.

So this week, I am leaning into my DIRT moments. Seeing the work that God is doing to create the Fruit, I desperately want to see.

The Stripped Down You

A true identity. If you stripped away all your labels, mom, friend, wife, your work title, what would you be left with?

12 days ago, I could tell you, but I don’t know if I truly believed it for myself. I needed to allow myself to be stripped of certain things that I used, to identify myself.

Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart…”

My Heavenly Father knew me BEFORE He formed me. That means to me that I wasn’t a second thought. That He had a “need” and I was the person He planned to use to meet it. Just let that sink in for a moment.

This place we are living in, views status as success. We need to make something of ourselves. All the self improvement statements ring through my head at this moment. I have used them many times to get myself up after a blow to the ego.

Yet, I have begun to realize that no self affirmation statement, no cheer session, can work as well as truly seeing yourself in your God ordained identity.

The one that has, already the Highest Authority’s approval all over it. The one that says, “I bought you with my life, because I love you.” The very Creator that saw you, before He ever made you. I don’t know about you, but no approval from anyone else is needed.

To be complete, approved of, loved, before I even reach a successful status, makes everything else fade into the distance.

I pray you see yourself in the same loving sight. That you are a treasure. His inheritance. No works are needed to achieve this status.

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.
Ephesians 1:18 NLT

Identity Confusion

I recently was reading a book by Ted Dekker. Typically his books are on the scary/suspenseful side. So, I was surprised when Truth was hitting me hard as I read.

In this particular book, a girl is on a mission to save two worlds. However, the only way she will be able to save these two worlds is to find 5 seals of Truth. They are truths that she has to know deep down and understand for herself. Then, and only then, will she be able to help other people.

Wouldn’t you know, one of those truths focused on her identity issue. At one point in the book, she gets transformed into the very thing she hates. Her failures become visible on the outside, in the form of scaly, puss oozing, grey skin. She begins this cycle of self hatred. Looking at all her failures and mistakes, realizing this mission will never be accomplished by her.

I don’t know about you, but I face days of being in this exact same state. I see the calling that is motherhood, and it is a High calling. The everyday demands can become too much. My temper can flare, despite my best efforts. I can say things that hurt my girls to the core. At the end of the day, I beat myself up with the woulda coulda shoulda game. Thinking that I am not the right mom for my girls.

In this book though, the guide that is helping this girl complete her mission, says something that has rocked my world. “Who are you?” Seems simple enough. Yet in the moment, this girl starts naming off things like failure, gross, not worthy, and others. She has forgotten who she is. He then pushes her deeper. She responds with titles, like daughter, friend, and 49th Mystic. All correct, but not yet the Truth. It takes a strong storm to finally get her to see that she is Almighty God’s Daughter.

In that identity her failures are already forgiven. In that identity she has more power than she could ever dream of, to complete the mission laid out in front of her. In that identity she has been fully approved of and loved.

This identity is what I am learning to lean more on. Yes, I am a Mom. Yes, I am a wife. Yes, I am a friend. Yes, I am a daughter. The list goes on and on. But, I cannot be any of those without removing those “masks” first, and seeing Me. The Me that is in Christ.

Approval Disease

I feel a possible book coming out of this, but that will definitely be a God thing. English, grammar, punctuation, has never been my strong suit.

Hey my name is Gina and I am a recovering people pleaser. Maybe you know of someone that struggles with this disease. You probably wouldn’t classify it as a disease, unless you have struggled with it. It can wreck your life if you cannot rewire your brain.

What do I mean by that? My world for the last few years of my life has been wrapped up in meeting others’ needs to gain their approval. Saying Yes to almost everything. Projects, little errands, answering endless phone calls, all in the name of this approval disease.

Facebook and Instagram created this HUGE snowball effect in my life. Watching other’s posts get more likes, more comments, and straight up more traction. Meanwhile, I was lucky to get 1 or 2. It would hit me like a ton of bricks, like a smack in the face. I couldn’t understand what they were doing that was so different. I began analyzing, at times copying their methods, appealing to the masses. It was such a sickness.

Then, almost a month ago, I got this deep, deep feeling that I needed to take a break from social media. I had done these breaks before, they would last like 2 days. But, God was asking for 21 days!!! 21 days without approval. Now ya have to know something, I use social media for my business. This was asking a lot. However, I cannot argue with the Almighty God.

I am on day 11. Something that also makes this a very unique experience is, we are currently down to one vehicle. One vehicle that fits 3 people, we are a family of 5. I have not been able to leave my home in 25 days. I have not received what you would call outside approval as well. These 11 days have literally been me and God.

This disease is something that is getting healed very deeply in me. It is rooted in not knowing my true identity. When I say “not knowing,” I know logically my identity is in Jesus Christ. However, living that logic out, wasn’t happening.

I am looking forward to sharing more with you all. This is a recovery process that has been so needed and it has already impacted my life immensely.