I recently was reading a book by Ted Dekker. Typically his books are on the scary/suspenseful side. So, I was surprised when Truth was hitting me hard as I read.
In this particular book, a girl is on a mission to save two worlds. However, the only way she will be able to save these two worlds is to find 5 seals of Truth. They are truths that she has to know deep down and understand for herself. Then, and only then, will she be able to help other people.
Wouldn’t you know, one of those truths focused on her identity issue. At one point in the book, she gets transformed into the very thing she hates. Her failures become visible on the outside, in the form of scaly, puss oozing, grey skin. She begins this cycle of self hatred. Looking at all her failures and mistakes, realizing this mission will never be accomplished by her.
I don’t know about you, but I face days of being in this exact same state. I see the calling that is motherhood, and it is a High calling. The everyday demands can become too much. My temper can flare, despite my best efforts. I can say things that hurt my girls to the core. At the end of the day, I beat myself up with the woulda coulda shoulda game. Thinking that I am not the right mom for my girls.
In this book though, the guide that is helping this girl complete her mission, says something that has rocked my world. “Who are you?” Seems simple enough. Yet in the moment, this girl starts naming off things like failure, gross, not worthy, and others. She has forgotten who she is. He then pushes her deeper. She responds with titles, like daughter, friend, and 49th Mystic. All correct, but not yet the Truth. It takes a strong storm to finally get her to see that she is Almighty God’s Daughter.
In that identity her failures are already forgiven. In that identity she has more power than she could ever dream of, to complete the mission laid out in front of her. In that identity she has been fully approved of and loved.
This identity is what I am learning to lean more on. Yes, I am a Mom. Yes, I am a wife. Yes, I am a friend. Yes, I am a daughter. The list goes on and on. But, I cannot be any of those without removing those “masks” first, and seeing Me. The Me that is in Christ.
Stewarding Wellness 
One of my dear friends, Amber Lia, writes a lot about this in her book Triggers (as well as many other books following.) Me? I just want you to know how I feel. It can be so hard. When I was my most upset (I am a former raging mom… not all the time… but outbursts and anger on occasion that was scary) I finally had to surrender. And then I got healing for me. Because I knew if I didn’t heal those wounds that hurt me in the past I would bleed all over people who never cut me. It was a hard journey, but with God and my identity, I found all the right people to nudge me onward. I don’t know you, but I will pray for you, too. And hey, you’re better than you think. Stay open to the journey.
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I love Amber Lia’s stuff! Triggers has been on my list of books I need to read.
Such truth in your words. Thank you for your prayers and kind words.
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I will let Amber know! I know she has lot of followers and I laugh whenever we get together. She has come so far and has amazing hair. She just puts up with me as I stuff my face with bagels and show up in my messy bun. Like you and me, she is real and in the trenches with us. (Passionate about my little Lia lady.)
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She sounds like the real deal. I love woman that just say, Here I am and share their life, including struggles. Then use them for God’s glory.
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I hope Triggers blesses you if you get a chance to read! 😁
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Oh Thank you Amber!!!! I have so enjoyed listening to all your mom truths on many podcasts. I heard about Triggers from Kristi Clover’s podcast.
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